psychodynamic

Hot tears rolled down my face as I scrolled through old pictures on Photobooth.
1,324 of them.
An overwhelming, unrecognizable feeling came over me.
I sat on my bed and bawled like a fucking baby.
Who I was...who I am now


I was secure, jubilant, giddy- so full of life.
Looking back on myself, Im amazed with
the amount of confidence I possessed.
Yet overweight and goofy as hell.
(or the word I always hated, "chunky")

Nothing will ever be the same.
That's just of those unavoidable factors of life and I get it.
But it still breaks my heart....
I miss the girl I used to be, full of color and excitement.

Right now I feel like nothing more then a shell.
An "exoskeleton", if you will.
A slave to sleep deprivation, textbooks, confinement, and my demented "ID".
Sometimes I wish I could just go back...
back to a time where people didn't stare at me (including men)...
a time where I enjoyed watching the day to day variations of my long curls....

blaaahhhhh...im rambling now...
sleep is the first step in healing my mind...
fare thee well.